Week 10 - The Spoken Word
Hey everyone!
Weeks are really starting to fly by now. I've had a lot to do in recent weeks, as the semester I'm in is quickly starting to conclude. Lots of projects that happen to coincide with one another. It gets pretty easy to let things stack up, and I'm struggling against letting these things accumulate. Easier said than done, but for sure I've got my work cut out for me right now. Many people do, so I hope everyone's able to get things done.
Anyways, onto what was discussed this week. We spoke a lot about communication this week. To set the base for what I'm wanting to share, here's what we focused mainly on:
5 Secrets of effective communication (EAR)
1.
Empathy – The Disarming Technique – Find the
truth in what the other person is saying.
2.
Empathy – Empathy – Try to see the world through
the other person’s perspective.
3.
Empathy – Inquiry – Ask gentle questions to
learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling.
4.
Assertiveness – “I Feel” Statements – Express
your feelings and ideas in a direct manner. Speak about yourself rather than
the other person.
5.
Respect – Stroking – Convey an attitude of
respect, even if you feel frustrated. Find something genuinely positive to say
to the other person, despite feeling upset.
--
Here's what I've pondered on while thinking about this. I don’t like telling people that they’re wrong. It’s awful
presumptuous for me to go up to people and simply say “you’re wrong about
this”. Who’s to say that I’m right about it? Perhaps yeah, I am right about it,
but what authority do I have to tell the other person that they’re wrong? The
simple act of telling someone that they’re wrong almost carries with it the
implication of “I’m better or higher up than you because I’m right and you’re
wrong.”
Look at the parable of the dinner table party (found in Luke 14:7-11). In this parable, someone assumed themselves to be greater than they really were. Someone then promptly put them in their place by saying “Hey, you thought to put yourself here above all others. Take it down a few notches as you’re not as great as you presume to be.” That same person then went on to basically promote people who assumed that they were lesser than they thought they were by saying “Hey friend, you put yourself so far back at the table. Move yourself up because you’re greater than what your position indicates."
Remembering that there’s a higher knowledge or power that
determines what’s right and wrong helps to avoid breakdowns and faults in
communication. That humility goes a long way because rather than confining
yourself to what you think you know, you open yourself to things you do not
know. That allows for the person you’re communicating with to share openly and
without reservation what it is that they’re thinking.
It can be so easy to get caught up in the idea of "I'm right and you have to see that." Many good relationships and marriages suffer because of that. I know it can get heated and when it does, people lose sight of the importance of keeping good communication. At the same time, it can also be harmful to simply disengage when crisis comes up, saying something like "I need to leave."
It isn’t inherently wrong to want to take a step back to
avoid bad communication, but this isn’t the best method of communication. First
of all, if ever that’s your intention, you need to make sure that they
understand that you’re not just getting up and leaving. At the same time
though, you need to develop a healthier manner of dealing with those frustrations
in the moment. If you simply get up and leave every time you feel frustrated,
that will become the default. It’s almost like an escape from the problems
you’re facing.
I hope to be good at communicating, and I know this is going to take practice. I'm not great at it as is. With time and practice I'm sure that I will be a better communicator than now.
Well, that's all for this week. I've got a lot to do so I'll leave it off at that. Thanks for reading as always!
-Caleb
Comments
Post a Comment